A cinematic poem about the lived experience of faith
You kiss my world with the sun.
I’m lifted from head to heart.
You crumble the cage around me.
I’m anchored by your breath.
My tears whisper a “thank you”.
You respond with the gift of expansion.
My eyes squeeze tight to welcome your voice,
this intimate dialogue that flows in and out,
embracing me in our in-between.
In my heart, I remember truth.
that there is something, someone, There.
That I am connected, protected, accepted,
exactly as I am.
That I am not alone.
These primal needs that have always quivered
from every crevice of my flesh,
suddenly, easily, they become fulfilled.
You sing to me a lullaby
so that life and death make sense after all.
But time is the force that vilifies faith.
That cord which promised to never break
is ruptured by life’s rollercoaster fate.
Faith threatens to snatch my beloved away,
to abandon me in a world that’s too large.
Faith drives a wedge between me and the They;
Pointed fingers condemn me to exile.
Regulations recite that I’m bad and wrong.
all in the name of you.
Questions of identity tear me in two
betraying my certitude.
The days float by in a numb fog.
(The loss, the loss, the loss, the loss…)
And yet, somehow,
in this space of unspeakable depth,
in this unfathomable instance when grief becomes beauty,
I turn to You again.
Once upon a time I only knew of faith
through lessons and language and rituals
thrust upon me by those who were There.
Then my time of reckoning arrived.
I felt you There
or not There.
I made You mine
or not mine.
Where will our story lead tomorrow?
If I’ve felt your presence once,
a part of me trusts that
You will always return
(and so will I).